“The Hot Zone,” by Richard Preston presents a thriller filled and gut wrenching tale of the origins of a deadly disease, how it ravages through Africa. and nearly does the same to the United States. The worst part? It’s all real.
Yes. That is correct. The time frame is the 90’s. A man named Charles Monet goes to a cave and in only a few weeks later to carry an unknown disease later named Ebola. Shortly after, it spreads throughout Africa, killing people in one of the most inhumane and horrifying ways I could even imagine. As it slowly creeps across the ocean into American borders, scientists, military personnel, and doctors must stop the virus before it becomes a full blown threat to the American people.
To be quite honest, I wouldn’t have picked up this book if it wasn’t required for one of my literature classes, but I’m glad I did. Preston presents the facts and intricate details of how a small virus can escalate to a worldwide threat. Defeating this villain without a brain is a large team of various characters from various organizations, such as the United States military, CDC, and plenty more. Although the sheer amount of characters can get confusing at times, luckily Preston provided a character list in the back of the book, and certain characters tend to group up a lot. Preston also did this with a list of certain terms describing Ebola, but in regards to medical knowledge, you don’t need to know much to understand what is going on.
Preston’s writing style although detailed was also very thrilling to read. I never really sat down and felt that any of the parts of the book needed to be taken out or were in any way boring. This to me is important, seeing as I get distracted very easily, and struggle with reading books at times for this precise reason.
He also described the people well enough in the sense that I could relate to them, even though I didn’t personally know them, which made it all the more terrifying to read. I mean it’s hard enough to read fictional characters go through traumatizing events, but these characters are very much real people going through very real trauma. Every single death especially is still etched in my mind very clearly. And I finished reading this book in January.
It’s very uncommon for me to remember much of anything, and yet this is one book I definitely will not forget anytime soon. Preston has quickly become one of my favorite authors not only due to the sheer amount of research he did for this book, but also by the way he crafts the Ebola virus into a sinister villain unlike anything I have ever seen. He manages to make real life events into a carefully crafted thriller filled with real everyday heroes working together against time. It’s not common for me to give a book 5 stars, but Preston has definitely wowed me with this and it is very much deserved.
I was requested to do this a whilleee back by nourishedricipediary.wordpress.com but have yet to have done so. So uhhhhhhhh my bad. It’s here now though! As I was writing this though, I decided to split my list of 10 books to 5 and just include the other 5 another time. Hope that’s okay!
A Court of Thorns and Roses and Other Hate Crimes by Sarah J. Maas
Sarah J Maas has been in hot water as of late, mainly because of the lack of diversity in her books and overall not responding well to critiques and discussing race. One of her most popular series, “A Court of Thorns and Roses,” is very smut heavy, which I’m not into anyway, but seems to be very popular, so it’s a shame that she’s actively choosing to not include all her readers. I don’t have much of an opinion on the series anyway, seeing as I’m super into elves but not romance (unless it’s a side plot) much less smut. I am concerned though that a bunch of the readers seem to be young teens considering the content within the series. There’s a huge difference between a 13 year old and a 16 year old in terms of what content they should be exposed to at that age and seeing as the maturity levels are completely different, i don’t know if it’s wise to let a 13 year old be exposed to not only sexual content but straight up abuse.
Anything by JK Rowling (especially her script writing and screenplays)
I’m a long time Harry Potter fan, I’m not going to deny it. I even watched the movies in different languages because I watched them in English too many times. Like Daniel Radcliffe said, ““Being in Harry Potter is like being in the Mafia. Once you are in, you are never really out.” And I’m not going to deny that JKR’s creation has created me so much joy. But I think now that JKR’s terfy comments have lost her a huge amount of credibility as an author, I’d like to admit something: I only read the series once. I finished the series before I started middle school and ended it there. I watched the films hundreds of times, read thousands of fanfics, liked thousands of pieces of fanart, but only read the series once. If Harry Potter was still largely loved today in the book community, I still would’ve probably would have only read it once and a ton of people online would tell me that I wasn’t a “true fan,” or something like that and I would stand by it. Why? Because my mind of what the best part of what Harry Potter is, was largely created by fellow fans. If JK told me right now that Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Tonks are 100%straight I wouldn’t take it seriously. Same goes with justifying whatever is going on with Cho Chang’s name and that the goblins at the wizard bank Gringotts aren’t a racist caricature of jews. I mean everything that was wrong with HP was largely fixed by fanfiction authors who were writing it for free. I’ve read better fanfiction than whatever was going on in The Cursed Child.
Now if you still believe that JK isn’t a TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist) then you’re taking a little too long on the denial stage of the grieving process. There’s no way her tweets and anti-trans manifesto can be interpreted as “badly worded,” or “an old person moment,” at this point. She’s written several, “opinion,” pieces (which I’m putting in quotations because I can’t consider her hate speech just an opinion anymore.) I was going to actually pick it apart and even I, a cis woman, had to stop. Especially at the part where she tries to correlate autistic people and gender dysphoria as if disabled people aren’t smart enough to know their gender identity.
Twilight Which Could’ve Ended in One Book if Bella Swan Just Went To Therapy by Stephenie Meyer
Now before the Twilight fans come for me, I want to point out that I did give the series a good honest try. Even as a tween, I never could get into books that’s main focus is romance rather than a subplot. I barely finished the second book and around the part where Bella is riding a motorcycle I stopped. I’m not going to lie though, whoever was in charge of the movie’s soundtrack did an amazing job and the movies are definitely fun to watch as long as you don’t take it too seriously. (I definitely recommend watching it as a comedy rather than a serious film.) I never finished the last film though so I don’t actually know how everything ends. However, the director of the Twilight films, Catherine Hardwicke, recently said in an interview that she wanted to make the cast more diverse and debated it often with Stephenie Meyer who felt it was not realistic. Unfortunately, it didn’t help that the one black vampire was also the villain and that she also used the Quileute tribe very often.
The Selection aka The Bachelor Knockoff I Legit Did Not Ask For by Kiera Cass
First off the main character’s name is America Singer. I’m sorry but I can’t stop laughing at that name. I can’t also get over that it seems like an off brand Bachelor with some similarities to Hunger Games for spice and not for the main point of Hunger Games which is to call out capitalism and the upper class. If you’ve gotten this far into the post, you’ve probably figured out that I’m really not into romance as a genre. This is due to the fact that I do not care. If it’s a side plot I’ll allow it, but overall I don’t care about romance so why would I buy a book and read about it?
Stormdancer makes anime fans look bad by Jay Kristoff
Jay Kristoff has recently been called out for his Lotus War series for relying heavily on Japanese stereotypes and not actually doing heavy research for this series. He also was called about for antisemitism, more specifically blood libel, which to be honest, as a non-Jew, I did not know about. It’s pretty much an anti-semetic lie that Jewish people used non-Jewish people’s blood for ritual purposes, which is not only heavily against the Torah but also against the kashrut, or Jewish dietary laws. If you would like more info on blood libel and Jay Kristoff, here’s a link to Katherine Locke’s post on it and info on blood libel from the Holocaust Memorial Museum:
I've debated sharing these on Twitter but for those who missed it, Jay Kristoff wrote a blood sorcerer, gave him the Hebrew name for God, and you can see examples below.
Not only is it sad that an author did very minimal research into his Japanese inspired fantasy novel, the antisemitism references are just pure terrifying. If I’m going to read a book I want it to be very thought out, researched and not make me research Nazi propaganda. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask.
If you would like to see more of books I will NOT be hauling anytime soon, I plan on releasing more posts soon! And of course if there’s any on YOUR list, feel free to share! I’d also like to say that if you have any post ideas please let me know and I can see what I can do! Hope you all have a good week! 🙂
When we read, watch a film, or binge a good TV show, we entertain ourselves with new and exciting plots, stories, and maybe even gain some insight or a lesson or two along the way. But is it possible, that even with the nitty gritty, that Hollywood glamorizes these subjects? Granted, all Hollywood cares about is money, but where does the line cross from education to glamorization?
One key trope that comes to mind is the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. The term, created by film critic Nathan Rabin defines it as a female character who, “exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” Now what does this dream girl have to do with glamorization? Almost always, especially in film, this girl always has some sort of quirky flaw like cancer or a mental illness then is proceeded to be used as an object in the plot to make the main character appreciate life more. One person who I saw fulfilling this trope was actually a male character, Augustus Waters from, “The Fault in Our Stars.” I saw it in the theater at around 13 years old, and only saw the film because a friend at the time wanted to, not because I had any solid interest in the book or film. Throughout the film, Augustus has this sort of…I’m not sure how to explain. Let me just give examples of events that legitimately happened that still haunt me to this very day:
-Hazel, the main character, goes to a cancer support group and meets Augustus there. As she is waiting to be picked up after the meeting is over, she gets mad at Augustus because he gets a cigarette out, and she very clearly has breathing issues. Augustus then explained how him owning cigarettes and putting it on his mouth but not lighting it is some kind of, “metaphor.” Yes. He’s completely serious about this and they then proceed to flirt with each other.
-One scene they just make out at the Anne Frank house and everyone claps. This scene still burns into my mind. I’m not going to lie, the film DID make me cry, it was a definite tear jerker film. I imagine the book being even MORE of a tear jerker. But who allowed this??? What in John Green’s mind, the publisher’s mind, the film company’s mind, in anyone’s mind thought this was not only a good idea to share with the world, but a climatic moment that should be shown in multiple mediums???
Those two scenes are the only one that really haunt me. Now let me be clear, I’m not hating on John Green, anyone who likes romance novels and films, or anything of the sort, however two strange phenomena occurred shortly after:
Justin Bieber said that Anne Frank would’ve been a belieber
A new medium of books and films romanticizing life threatening illnesses have been released.
Now of course, the Justin Bieber quote needs no explanation, but if you don’t believe fact number two may I suggest you look at “Five Feet Apart,” “All My Life,” and even “Me Before You.” But to be honest, I never saw the same sort of hype for those films as I have with TFIOS. And seeing the film, I don’t blame them for that. Even with a sad ending, it creates a world of hope, wonder, and love, even to those with terminal illnesses. But it’s very clear that the point isn’t to empathize and educate others on what it’s like to have cancer, but to create a love story. Even if it means they kiss at a historical landmark. Is that offensive? Or is it just a lighthearted story?
I want to be clear, that I actually like a lot of the actors in these films. Especially Emilia Clarke, Sam Claflin, and Harry Shum Jr. But I also want to add that I wish more disabled actors would be put in films like this.
Personally, I would hate my physical issues to be capitalized off of in such a manner, a lot of young adult books did that already with my mental ones, and glamorized mental illness and even psych wards. For example, “It’s Kind of a Funny Story.” I read it, and as a reader who was in a psych ward under militaristic type rules, it was hard for me to believe that not only did the average joe main character had sex with not one, but with two girls. He also happened to be grouped with adults as well even though he was only a teenager. I’m not saying sexual intercourse doesn’t happen in psych wards, but what I am saying is that my depression wasn’t cured because another patient fucked it out of me either.
Another example are forms of entertainment based on actual events. Most people seem to have no issue with watching any film about, “The Titanic,” even if it’s a love story because the accident was so long ago. But what about other disasters? For example, wars like Vietnam, school shootings like what took place at Sandy Hook Elementary, or even COVID? What can Hollywood profit and not profit out of? Even though those types of films haven’t been a thing yet, will there be a time when it will be deemed acceptable and if so, when?
What about all those countless stories about black people suffering? Such as films about, “12 Years a Slave,” which shows the brutality of slavery, or “The Hate U Give,” which is about police brutality? Of course both of these examples have good reviews and ratings, and have events that have legitimately happened and still do to this very day, but again, is it morally sound to profit off of the abuse of minorities? Especially if systematic racism normally puts white people at the tippy top of the corporate chain, and therefore they gain the most profit? If creators overuse certain ideas like they did with dystopian YA in the 2010’s, aren’t we doomed to see some not-so-innovative (and even offensive) content?
These questions have been popping up a multitude of times, especially on Twitter. If I remember correctly, there was a debate not too long ago about the book, “All the Light We Cannot See,” about a german boy who is a member of the german army and a blind french girl falling in love as the Nazis slowly try to take over France. But with book discussions, they all happen so fast online, that even if it was less than a week ago, it feels like old news. I also recall seeing a few discussions about minorities and what they were looking for in regards to representation in books and shows and even the book, “White Fragility,” was in some hot water.
What I’m not trying to say is that we shouldn’t be allowed to have the content that I’ve listed. What I am saying though, is that because this medium is being shown through capitalistic companies, the line between education and glamorization, or the purpose of the pieces we have seen, can get blurry at times. Some topics that people have debated about are still being debated about to this very day. And the line between ethical and unethical only gets grayer and grayer.
If you would like to share some of your thoughts on this topic, feel free to comment! 🙂
With February finally at a close and March beginning, I couldn’t help but feel remorseful. It has been a year since COVID started with no end in sight, and it’s definitely depressing. Although some of my relatives over 65 have gotten the vaccine, I cannot help but feel fearful for those I know who are at risk, or those who even work at super spreader areas and yet still work minimum wage to make ends meet.
There’s not much I can do on the matter, other than wait patiently and hope that myself and my loved ones don’t die on the way there, or at least not be covered in debt by medical bills. The worry lingers in the back of my mind like a bug that just won’t die, and I hope that I don’t say, “oh god it has wings,” at it right before it kills me.
So for now, I will carry on doing what I have been doing: wake up for school, eat breakfast, go out occasionally for fresh air and doctor’s appointments, stay at home for the zoom appointments, check in on friends and family occasionally, write, read, play my video game, sleep, repeat.
And all the while, I decided to do something new every month since December 2020: a Project Pan.
Project Pan
I’ve talked about this on my blog previously, but Project Pan was originally created by makeup collectors and lovers who wanted to use up their products and avoid the clutter, or in other words, “hit pan.”
This term has spread to other areas as well, and to be honest, I can’t help but apply it myself.
Yarn
So far for February 2021, I have used eight balls of yarn. Yes. Eight. And they aren’t small either. I got a majority of them at Michael’s, where they had a combination of sales upon sales, which were too good to ignore. I also finished one from Walmart. I personally am not a fan of Walmart, I always feel like I’m about to witness something strange there, and most of the time that’s true. But, Walmart was on the way while I was on my walk and I figured, “why not.”
The fact that finger knitting is a huge coping mechanism for me is definitely not helping with my yarn addiction. Thank god all of these were on major sale.
If you are interested in any of them, here is the list of what I’ve used up:
Red Heart Super Saver Ombre Deep Teal Yarn (found at Walmart)
Caron Cake Rainbow Sprinkles
Caron Cake Melon Ice
Caron Cake Bumbleberry
Caron Cake Pandan Pudding
Sugar n’ Cream Psychedelic
Caron Cake Sugared Cherry
Sugar n’ Cream Fleur de Lavande
Caron Skinny Cakes Rainbow
Bath and Body Works
I also had a goal to finish up this candle I had from Bath and Body Works. To be honest, in most cases I probably would’ve finished it last Winter. But inconveniences kept happening. First it was misplacing the lighters. Then trying other forms of flame that also did not work. Then I realized my house didn’t even have lighters, and were thrown out. Then I had to wait until I was able to buy some, and even more inconveniences along with that.
It’s a very nice candle, especially since it was a good size, scent, and price. I would suffer with some sort of guilt if I ever paid 25 dollars for a candle, no matter how good it smelled. I could get FRIED CHICKEN with that. I could get A BOOK with that. But to be quite honest, I need something new to smell. It’s not like it smells AWFUL, I just get bored easily.
[ADD CANDLE PIC HERE]
I am a Bath and Body Works addict. There, I admitted it.
The fragrance notes are Cinnamon and Clove Essential Oils with a hint of Warm Apple Brandy. It reminds me of the winter time (or as winter as Florida gets) when I would get a massive cold while stressing for my midterms, and my mom would make me a hot toddy while I was having a Ny-Quil induced drug trip. I struggled to stay awake during those times but the tea definitely helped matters.
Unfortunately I did not finish it, but I’m at least 60-70% done with it.
Surprisingly, I also managed to finish a body spray. Not that I don’t like to use their body sprays, they’re great. It’s just that they tend to take me longer for some reason. I used this one every morning on my bed.
The fragrance notes for Beautiful Day are daisies, pink peonies, and sun kissed apples. I’m normally not into floral scents, but this one was an exception for me and I think it’s because of the apples. The fragrance gave a clean scent, like laundry fresh from the wash. Hence why I put it on my pillows rather then my body. It was one of the mini sizes, but I’m still proud nonetheless.
Lip Gloss + Chapstick
If you’ve ever seen me in real life (without a face mask which is nearly impossible at this point) I always make a habit to bring lip balm and gloss. One of the ones I wanted to finish up using was a gloss that someone from my college gave me as a birthday gift. It’s from a small business called, “The Audacity Cosmetics,” and is in the shade Passionate. It has more of a lip oil texture than a gloss, but the color is great on my lips and it has a nice taste to it too. There is some glitter of some sort in it, but it doesn’t apply on the lips. I tend to use glosses and oils as lip treatments as well overnight while I sleep. I definitely recommend it, but be sure that you prepare properly so that the color doesn’t get on your pillows.
Honestly, I practically used this up already, but there’s still a little bit left that I don’t want to waste.
Reading Progress
Part of the reason I joined yet another literature class besides filling out the requirements to get my Associates and study to be an English Major, was because I wanted to win my Goodread’s Reading Challenge. Is it stressful to read for a grade? Yes. But I’ve had this professor before and most of his choices, albeit wouldn’t be books I would pick up, but are good. The fact that my GPA is on the line forces me to read more and open up my horizons. So here’s some of the books I wanted to read in February.
“The Plague,” by Albert Camus: 76% Completed
So far this is the most heavily annotated book I have ever read for a class. I definitely like the style of writing, but the amount of annotating I have been doing has definitely affected my progress through the book and has even tired me out. I think it’s almost scary how on the nose this book is, especially since it was originally published in 1947. I’m excited to see how this finally ends and be free from the stress of annotating this book.
If the ending of this book is bad, I’m going to be so mad.
“The Kill Order,” by James Dashner: Completed
I’m not sure what to rate this novel as of yet, seeing as I have yet to find time for the review. However, seeing as I hid in my room, curled up into a ball, and hugged my squishmallow over it, I think it is safe to say it’s at least 4 or 5 stars. I haven’t read any of The Maze Runner Series, and I was definitely nervous about reading it for my class. Even though it is a prequel, sometimes books are meant to be read in the order they are published in. Unfortunately on Goodreads, not a lot of Maze Runner fans liked it, and were hoping for backstories on the Maze Runner characters instead of focusing on a different set of people. But luckily for me, I didn’t know any of the original characters or storyline, and loved it all the same.
This book definitely has a lot less annotations, probably because I was so tired from, “The Plague.”
Goals for March
Make a habit of using my candle every single night
Get back to using lip balm and lip gloss every night
Finish reading, “The Plague,” by Albert Camus
Survive Midterms
Have a good start to my classes starting in March
Read, “The Andromeda Strain,” by Michael Crichton
Read, “The Children of Men,” by P.D. James
I always forget how long wrap up posts take me (which is why you don’t see them much on here) but it’s always nice to see the information all together and see what I have accomplished. If you would like to share what you have gotten done or anything you’re proud of from last February or even March, feel free to share! I’d be glad to read it! If you have any current goals, I’d also like to hear it as well. I hope you all have a good weekend this week, and those who are on spring break, happy spring break!
Seeing as I’ve been reading so many books at a rapid pace due to one of the classes I’ve been taking, I figured that since I don’t necessarily have the time to write a book review right now, I could at least mention a few of my favorite quotes.
What you will figure out very quickly is this class’s selection is primarily disease or plague based (gee I wonder why.) The first book in that selection was, “The Hot Zone,” by Richard Preston, which is a nonfiction written in the style of a thriller. It’s a very detailed account of the origins of the Ebola virus and how it almost became a disaster in the United States in the 90’s. Granted, it’s a lot more interesting and definitely more terrifying than that, but I’ll save my thoughts on the book itself for the review.
I chose a lot of quotes (besides the entire first chapter) that terrified me the most. If you are not a fan of disease related content, gore, and/or horrifying content, I suggest you don’t read this seeing as some of these quotes are very graphic in nature.
This is the exact version of the book I used and a picture of the book by the time I finished reading and annotating it. If you continue reading this post you can see my annotation key that I decided to go by.
“The case of Charles Monet emerges in a cold geometry of clinical fact mixed with flashes of horror so brilliant and disturbing we draw back and blink, as if we are staring into a discolored alien sun.”
“…and from the moment Ebola enters your bloodstream, the war is already lost; you are most certainly doomed. You can’t fight off Ebola the way you fight off a cold. Ebola does in 10 days what it takes AIDS ten years to accomplish.”
“They were two human primates carrying another primate. One was the master of the earth, or at least believed himself to be, and the other was a nimble dweller in trees, a cousin of the master of the earth. Both species, the human and the monkey, were in the presence of another life form, which was older and more powerful than either of them, and was a dweller in blood.”
“The Ebola virus, in its Sudan incarnation, retreated to the heart of the bush, where undoubtedly it lives to this day, cycling and cycling in some unknown host, able to shift its shape, able to mutate and become a new thing, with the potential to enter the human species in a new form.”
“The mothers was dying of Ebola and had given the virus to her unborn baby. The fetus had evidently crashed and bled out inside the mother’s womb. The woman then absorbed spontaneously, and the nun who assisted at this grotesque delivery came away from the experience with blood on her hands. The blood of the mother and the fetus was radiantly hot, and the nun must have had a small break or cut on the skin of her hands. She developed an explosive infection and was dead in five days.”
Here is my annotation key. I tend to use sticky tabs and highlight key phrases or line in the paragraphs that stuck out to me the most. I tend to base my key off of what the professor says to look for, anything that I need more info on, and anything that keeps popping up and stands out.
“Isn’t it true that if you stare into the eyes of a cobra, the fear has another side to it? The fear is lessened as you begin to see the essence of the beauty. Looking at Ebola under an electron microscope is like looking at a gorgeously wrought ice castle. The thing is so cold. So totally pure.”
“If you bleed into the first space, you bleed into your lungs. If you bleed into the second space you bleed into your stomach and intestines. If you bleed into the third space, you bleed into the space between the skin and the flesh. The skin puffs up and separates from the flesh like a bag. Peter Cardinal had bled out under his skin.”
“Peter Cardinal’s parents and sister were stunned as they watched him being slowly torn apart by the invisible predator. They could not comprehend his suffering or reach him to give him comfort. As the blood poured into his third space, his eyes remained open and dilated, staring, bloody, deep, dark, and bottomless. They didn’t know if he could see them, and they couldn’t tell what he saw or thought or felt behind the open eyes. The machines hooked up to his scalp were showing flatlines in his brain. There was very little electrical activity in his brain, but now and then, the flatlines gave a spooky twitch, as if something continued to struggle inside the boy, some destroyed fragment of his soul.”
“To be a good soldier you must love the army. But to be a good officer you must be willing to order the death of the thing you love. That is…a very hard thing to do. No other profession requires it. That is one reason why there are so few very good officers. Although there are many good men.”
“In a sense, the earth is mounting an immune response against the human species. It is beginning to react to the human parasite, the flooding infection of people, the dead spots of concrete all over the planet, the cancerous rot-outs in Europe, Japan, and the United States, thick with replicating primates, the colonies enlarging and spreading and threatening to shock the biosphere with mass extinctions.”
“Whether the human race can actually maintain a population of five billion or more without a crash with a hot virus remains an open question. Unanswered. The answers are hidden in the labyrinth of tropical ecosystems. AIDS is the revenge of the rainforest. It may be only the beginning.”
Hello! Yes, I know that I have been absent. My classes for this semester have required a lot of reading, which leaves me very little time to take care of myself, much less make a blog post. I’ve also been dealing with some personal issues, which is still ongoing, but I will try my best to focus on those who matter to me and what I love to do, hence my return.
Let me give you a little bit of background before I jump right in. Wattpad is a website where you can read free ebooks, specifically made by other users. It is similar to other websites such as fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own (AO3), which I also posted this story on. I mainly wanted to focus on Wattpad because I found it easier to post my chapters on there, so most of what I wrote is on there. Wattpad is particularly known for cringey One Direction fanfictions (kidnapping and adopting comes to mind), as well as those smut one-shots that definitely should not be looked at by 12 year olds. (I can never look at a lemon the same way ever again.)
I made an account there around 2016. I was 16 at the time, on a ton of medications and my dreams day by day were crashing and burning. Seeing as I was mostly at my house because I thought someone was out to kill me at the time (turns out I’m not that special), I figured I would mess around and post some short stories on there. They started mostly with cringey mental illness hot takes, which was me projecting to the internet my problems with a hint of, “graphic design,” on the cover.
This is the Wattpad I remember. When I first saw this, I thought the website design-wise was very sleek.
But what really got a lot more response then I was expecting was a fanfiction I wrote about BBC Sherlock. It started off with a few chapters with little to no planning, and slowly evolved into what I was planning to be a trilogy. Unfortunately, I still have the ending planned for book two, I have for years, but have not published it as of yet, seeing as my love for BBC Sherlock died as the seasons got worse and worse as Moffat had more and more bullshit excuses.
Granted, at the time, I was just goofing off, writing chapter by chapter and thinking it was garbage. I still think it’s garbage. But apparently Wattpad is full of racoons because they loved it. Last time I checked, I had around 10k reads on there and a few hundred likes. I still get notifications from Wattpad on my email, which is a constant reminder that my teen self is being perceived (much to my displeasure) and the cycle of obsession continues on to this day.
The first thing I notice immediately is that Wattpad has one of those sliding screens on the top featuring their publishing company. Which honestly, I’m unsure how I feel about it. I know when I was younger, I was desperate to have something published, hell even a Wattpad award of some sort (like a Watty), but as a publishing company, I can’t imagine them being taken seriously. Now keep in mind, this isn’t me talking badly about writers as a whole online. I’ve read some very great stories and fanfictions on there. But with a lot of these kinds of websites, they tend to be a dime a dozen. Every fifty fanfictions about Louis Tomilson marrying a fan (who is aged as an adult but is definitely a 12 year old’s self insert) there’s one good fanfiction that’s better then the actual content it came from.
Wattpad now, design wise, is better. But it definitely shocked me as an old-timer.
I also notice there is a premium function and…coins??? I have heard of this before, but I can’t imagine paying for premium to buy a book instead of just going online to buy an e-book membership of any other major book company instead. It wouldn’t surprise me if some of the FREE books I read on there cost “coins,” now. Now keep in mind, some of these writers definitely deserve it. It takes a lot of time to write a novel, especially if you’re expected to post on a weekly basis. But I think the real whiplash isn’t the authors trying to make money, but Wattpad taking itself too seriously.
I’m aware that 99 cents isn’t very much, but considering I can find similar if not better content on fanfiction.net and AO3 for free, is it worth it?
It says here that I have two messages in my inbox and 365 notifications. Even now, after all these years, I still panic when I see notifications on there. Because it isn’t just someone liking an instagram post. These people are reading what I wrote at 16-17 years old, and commenting on it without knowing me at all. I literally feel sick as I’m scrolling through the notifications. This is what I get for being a people pleaser.
The first fanfiction I wrote has 26 chapters, 35,200 reads and 1,300 likes. The second one of that series was not completed, but has 11 chapters and 1,000 reads. Although it was very common for me to feel anxious a lot due to the open criticism aspect of my writing there, I also felt immense joy seeing how much people enjoyed it. Writing online actually made me feel like I had a purpose when all my plans were falling apart, which was a huge reason why I’m still alive to this day. As I’m even writing on here and scrolling through Wattpad, I feel an immense pain in my chest and I’m struggling to breathe but at the same time feel immense nostalgia.
I’ve been blogging on this website for over a year now, and to be quite honest, I struggle immensely with not only learning online marketing, but also feeling like I’m, “good enough,” or if writing on here is worth it. At some point I would love to invest more time and even some money on writing online, but the mere idea is a lot.
I would love to write more than just book tags and reviews. But with college, constant doctors appointments, friends, family, and more, there is only so much I have time for at the moment.
If anything, looking through this Wattpad account has taught me that I should, at the very least, keep writing online. Maybe even look through my old works and publish it on here too. It’s not because I’m the “best,” at it. I don’t have to be the best. But because I like to do it.
Hello everyone! I wanted to wish all of you a happy new year! I meant to post this a lot sooner, but wanted to focus one actually enjoying the winter holidays. For the last couple years, the winter holidays have been super difficult for me, and it wasn’t uncommon for me to be in a deep depression during that time. So, I’m happy that despite the pandemic, at least Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and the likes are getting easier.
However, I did have some trouble with some of my physical issues. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always had stomach issues. Over the years it has gotten worse and these past few weeks my sleep schedule is all out of balance because of it. I finally went to the hospital around 12-1 AM, tired of being bed bound. Luckily no one seemed to be there besides the staff who were in high spirits. I got home by 5 AM the same day, and several days later I feel no COVID symptoms. Unfortunately, I have yet to find out what is going on with my stomach for it to be reacting in such a severe way over practically any food, but I hope I can find out soon. At this point I am just accepting something is seriously wrong and hoping it isn’t the worst possible case scenario.
The state of the United States certainly isn’t helping things. I’ve been finger knitting obsessively to deal with it, but a part of me is still scared of what will happen once Biden becomes president. Just like New Years doesn’t magically make things better (the Capitol coup proves this) the change of leadership won’t either. I just hope no one gets shot.
Despite the never ending chaos of the world, I do want to share my wrap up this year, just to give myself a pat on the back and not go on another hiatus.
2020 PROJECT PAN
Although I have plenty of lists that show what I need to use up and what I need to restock on, what I didn’t write was how much I used the entire year for #ProjectPan. Of course, since I did the math sort of late in the game, there are certain things I’m not 100% on. However, most of these numbers are accurate if not estimates.A lot of these items are from Bath and Body Works, however I am also a huge fan of makeup and books as well.
Lotions: 12
Old Hand Sanitizer: 5
New Hand Sanitizer: 11
Body Mist: 8
Body Wash: 13
Lip Gloss: 1
Candles: 6
Chapstick: 1
Makeup: ~9
Decluttered Books: ~10
Nothing really exciting looks wise. Any suggestions to make it look prettier or more exciting would be great.
BOOKS OF 2020
If you look at my Goodreads account, I have read a total of 13 books, which is a shame because this year my goal was 20. But doing school while being quarantined, I became my family’s official IT employee, which of course gave me less time to read. I probably should have lowered my goal once I realized that.
I’ve also read a total of 3,801 pages. My average rating was lower than what I remember last year’s being, but right now it’s 3.6 stars. A bunch of the books I read were textbooks, which can be hard to give a rating for, considering how useful a textbook can be relies heavily on the professor.
My top 3 books this year were:
Slay by Brittney Morris
Happyface by Stephen Emond
Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell
The number 2 and 3 spots were completely tied in my mind. Although both books were the complete opposite in terms of genre and concept, I was definitely surprised by some of the twists and turns the authors chose, which is why it was so hard to pick which one was better. (So, I decided not to.)
Any suggestions to fill up that second half of this page would be appreciated.
CLASSES I TOOK IN 2020
U.S. History from 1865 to Present (Spring 2020)
A
Earth Science (Spring 2020)
A
Music Appreciation (Spring 2020)
A
Introduction to Sociology (Summer 2020)
A
GPA
4.0
Completed Hours
41
Required Hours
60
(Keep in mind that I took Fall Semester off rather than Summer. I normally take college classes all year round.)
If there is anything else you would like to see from my 2020 Project Pan or anything related to 2020 or 2021 in general, please let me know! I have a list in one of my journals for blog post ideas, so I do write suggestions down.
Then She Was Gone is a horrific tale of a mother whose daughter went missing ten years ago, unsettled by the mystery regarding her death. She soon meets Floyd and his daughters Poppy and Sara Jade, who slowly piece her back together, but bring back previous questions that still need to be answered. What really happened to her daughter?
I’ll give Lisa Jewell this: she definitely had me more and more disturbed as the story progressed. The moment you think the story couldn’t get more suspenseful, horrifying, and all around shocking, she adds another twist to it. Do not confuse my reading progress (which was 5 months) to mean lack of interest. I simply was so dumbfounded with how horrifying some of these chapters were. There was even a point where I had to put the book down and just breathe for a moment, because I was definitely on the edge of my seat at some parts.
Of course, do not take the synopsis at just face value. There is definitely more Jewell has to offer besides the missing child plot line. Her language throughout the book, especially in regards to descriptions, were amazing in my mind. As pointed out by another reviewer on GoodReads, Chelsea Humphrey, not only were they eerily descriptive and complex but they were also not too lengthy and complicated either. She used the Goldilocks Effect in her writing style, making sure you understand the characters, their inner dialogue, and their personalities and how it affected the plot, but didn’t give too much away and lose readers in the process.
Unfortunately though, I was not able to give this book the perfect five stars, but instead a four out of five. There were points where I did not like the main character simply because she was not the best mother to her other children. Albeit realistic, it was definitely hard to read through the parts where Laurel highly favors her lost daughter, Ellie, and almost despises her other children, especially Hanna. It was a shame there wasn’t more dialogue between Laurel and Hanna in regards to what happened, and I would’ve liked to see some more chapters on that and for Laurel to face the consequences of her preferential treatment towards her kids.
I also was not a big fan of Poppy. I can’t imagine a child being perfect, no well written character can be, but when I read the synopsis, implying that Poppy took, “Laurel’s breath away,” I wasn’t imagining Poppy to be so…annoying. Again, I know she’s a child, but throughout the book there is a theme where Poppy and Laurel’s golden child, Ellie are similar. And seeing as they are being compared, I had high hopes. Of course, it’s possible that Laurel is just grieving, and her perspective, emotionally wise, isn’t always consistent with the actual events of the story. But Poppy’s dialogue was definitely hard to get through at times. Especially when Floyd only encouraged her and the, “I’m not like other girls,” pretentious persona she reeked of.
One final detail I want to note is that on the surface, it seems like the mystery is solved in the very beginning, especially since the book has multiple perspectives. But I want to encourage you to continue reading it, because on the surface it’s solved, but it’s a lot more sinister as you continue reading. I was definitely disturbed multiple times by the different POV’s. Not because it was irritating or hard to get through, but because some of the characters are so emotionally disturbed and their rationale of their actions were more disturbing then the actual actions they committed.
Hello! I have so many ideas for posts this month. However many of them fit better with the middle to end of December rather than the beginning. So I decided to do a book tag that @Inskyreads is doing for their Blogmas posts. Feel free to check them out!
Are there any books you started this year that you need to finish?
According to Goodreads, I have been reading Then She Was Gone for FOUR MONTHS. It’s a very good book, but 2020 has been a mess and caused me to go into a slump and lose passion for the book community and blogging as well. Luckily my break of sorts has rejuvenated my passion so here I am. I have less than 50 pages left so hopefully I can finish it by the end of this week and maybe even post a review! But if I keep getting distracted I did plan specific days to read and if that doesn’t work I’ll post in January. Lord help me.
Do you have an autumnal book to transition into the end of the year?
I am notorious for book slumps just because my health is kind of iffy at times and I tend to get distracted very easily. So whatever I’m reading I read. However, I did originally plan to read The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie once I was done with the book I’m reading right now. However, that may be subject to change. Unfortunately when I did the Olympic Games Readathon (a readathon inspired by Percy Jackson and greek mythology) my health crashed because of college finals. However, I do plan to finish it (even though it’s been long over) just for peace of mind.
Is there a new release you’re still waiting for?
I don’t really look into new releases just because there are new books released every day and I just don’t have the money or time to keep up with them all. I’m super interested in The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd. A ton of other books that I’m interested in aren’t super new releases.
What are three books you want to read before the end of the year?
I’m not going to even answer this one.
Is there a book you think could still shock you and become your favorite book of the year?
Then She Was Gone is getting super intense right now, especially since it’s towards the end of the book. So much so that I have to do deep breathing to get through some of the pages. However, I don’t think it’s going to top Slay by Brittney Morris. It’s a fantastic read and as a writer and reader I wouldn’t change a single thing about it. And that’s saying something.
Have you already started making reading plans for 2021?
I would like to finish the 2020 Olympic Games Readathon (yes I KNOW I’m super late) and just complete the prompts. I also want to finish a combo of older books that are family owned and some that I’ve bought this year. This year I’ve read a ton of more darker themed books, especially surrounding death and murder. So I’m hoping to read more fantasy related books.
If any of you would like to join me in this tag, feel free to tag me in your post so I can read it! If you haven’t noticed, I also edited my entire website as well. It took me a lot of time and effort, so I hope you like it. I’m going to do a few last minute touches soon but for the most part, this is it!
I’m curious though, has 2020 caused you to read MORE or LESS? Have you been more productive because of quarantine? Please let me know!
If you look at my book reviews I have a certain system. Anything in the one to two stars range means I probably did not finish it, and therefore, will not even write a review (unless it was an assigned reading.) Three means that it made me feel a neutral emotion. I don’t hate it, but I certainly don’t love it either. Four stars means I really liked it, but as a reader and writer means that there are things I would change about it. Which means that five stars means that it is absolutely perfect in my eyes and I wouldn’t change a single thing.
I tend to not read books that don’t get a four or higher. Not because I’m not picky, I definitely do have certain preferences, but because I am well aware of what I like and dislike. I only have four books in my DNF (did not finish) section on Goodreads. Two of them were books I had in my library since middle school, and therefore did not speak to me as an adult reader.
I am quite proud of being self aware of my reading tastes and doing proper research on the books I am interested in. I don’t like buying or checking out books that won’t be a proper investment, not just in monetary value, but also in time. I tend to go into an inner rage when I read books that have caused me a waste in time because time isn’t something you can get back. (If you’ve seen my snapchat the evidence speaks for itself.)
How I ensured this wouldn’t happen all started with this simple question: What books did I like as a kid?
Now of course, our book preferences may have changed since we were eight, but I would like to think that there is a reason my younger self liked those books. One that stuck out to me the most was Harry Potter, so I started there. Growing up, I was obsessed with that series. Not necessarily because of Harry himself, but because of the magic, the lore, the character development, the boarding school idea, and more. I don’t plan on reading Harry Potter again, however I do have plenty of magic-focused fantasy books that I like. I have plenty about boarding schools too.
Another book that stuck out to me growing up was Arthur Miller. I loved The Crucible and Death of a Salesman. So when I had major health issues that affected my reading, that made me fall into a further depression, I decided to read plays. The format is easily accessible to those who have health issues or crises of their own, and you could even finish it in a day if you wanted to. I’ve met some people who have even watched the play online and read it as they lines were being recited. Some of my favorite plays besides Arthur Miller is Sweat by Lynn Nottage, and if you watch the recording with it, The Complete History of America Abridged by Adam Long, Reed Martin and Austin Tichenor works too.
Another key element that I liked about Arthur Miller was the theme of a character’s downfall and psychological decay. This led me into thrillers such as the one I am reading now (yes still) Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell. But more importantly, it led me into novels with deep but not outright commentary such as The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin, Slay by Brittney Morris, and Good Omens by Terry Pratchett.
But if you are in a place where you want something different, something new to what you have been reading, then I suggest reading a genre the exact opposite of what you are reading now. After a while, the books I was reading were getting depressing, so I opted to read something more comforting yet still in my ballpark (in this instance my love for books) and picked up the The Bookshop on the Corner by Jenny Colgan.
If you are seeing all these recommendations or online shopping and getting overwhelmed I wouldn’t blame you. There are so many books to read and there’s no way you won’t be able to read all of them. How I tend to figure out what should be on my TBR (to be read) list is go to the best sellers list and read, yes actually read, the reviews. Goodreads can be a shitstorm at times, but some people on there know how to write a damn good review. If you can, booksellers tend to have some organized way of seeing the lowest and highest ratings. Be sure to look into why people rated the book so low. Some may not be for the best reasons, like being forced to read it for a class. While others may have good points that you may agree with. But also, see why people loved the book. If they really loved the romance in the book, and you’re not a fan of romance, then obviously don’t put the book on your TBR.
If book reviews are not enough and you, there are apps in the app store made specifically to find your tastes in books, films, etc. Some can be hit or miss, and honestly, I can’t say much in that area. However, if you are a fan of graphs and charts for you reading tastes, like you’re some study waiting to be observed, then I am aware of a few places you can go to.
Bookly is an app with a goal to get you to read more books. Not only does it time your reading, you can also make goals and have stats of how you improve your reading habits overtime. My favorite part of the app is when I finish the book, and I get an infographic about my time with said book. However, I do struggle with actually reading on a regular basis (especially with college), so of course I don’t always like to be reminded that I haven’t been reading.
If free ARC’s (advanced reader copies) are in your area I LOVE BookSiren’s Stats and Trends portion on the profile section. They get data from your Goodreads (and other places if you like) and make a lot of different types of infographics about genres, popularity, gender, book length and a lot more. I have personally never have seen complex info like this, especially about my reading habits, that I could also understand. One of my goals for 2021 is to read more ARC’s and to read more ebooks, so any tips on how to do so (with my sensitive eyes) would be wonderful.
To be quite honest, I meant for this blog post to be an anti-haul of sorts, to explain what I definitely do NOT like. But as you can see, it turned into something completely different. If you would like to see an anti-haul I would love to share it! It is definitely on my list in regards to content, it’s just a matter of where.
rachel hall 