If you look at my blog posts you’ll notice that my last post was in June. I don’t have a big following on here, or really anywhere for that matter, but for my own conscious I’d like to explain why.
It all started once I joined the online book community. I came in with fresh eyes, expecting that I would be able to share my love for reading and writing and the likes. As I continued on though, it became clear that people would take other book preferences and would rip others to shreds just to get a quick following.
It became worse as time continued on, especially once COVID wasn’t just “fake news,” anymore and people all over the world had to quarantine. The kicker was, when our voices actually mattered, people stayed silent. Stayed silent on Black Lives Matter. Stayed silent on transphobia. Stayed silent on homophobia. Stayed silent on the Trump administration. Stayed silent on so many things that the books we read taught us to fight against.
At the time I felt hopeless. Why is it that so many people are failing at the bare minimum? How hard is it to post some information on these issues? How hard is it to retweet an article?
It was even more exhausting to hear some of these influencer’s excuses. Every day it seemed, the reasoning was worse than the next. I still remember once a bookstagramer saying that having BLM information didn’t fit the “aesthetic,” of their posts.
As time continued I became more aggressive on these issues and day by day, read less, blogged less, and focused more on human rights, especially disabled rights, on social media. I was determined to do everything I could to get Trump out of the White House, even if there was a large possibility he’d get four more years. Even though Biden won, I still hope that we, as people, can continue to call our political leaders out, and not reduce them to the idea that they’re better than the guy we had before.
Now, I realize, as a white woman, there is still much I have to learn in regards to many issues. I do not believe I am some white savior, ready to save the world by doing the bare minimum. But I am happy to learn everyday, and that I shall continue to do.
It became apparent to me then, as I scrolled day after day, week after week, how exhausted I felt reading about author after author, influencer after influencer make manifestos of their hatred or apologies on their iPhone Notes app. Overtime, I didn’t really see the point in the book community, and even books themselves. My passion was dwindling as the world around me became more and more corrupt by the day.
So…I took a break.
Granted, it was a lot longer than I expected, but then again a lot of the events we are experiencing were either deemed impossible or a short inconvenience at the time.
What brought me back though was once Biden won. Now of course, I am aware that things aren’t just going to be rainbows and sparkles and unicorns. The United States, from the very beginning, was as corrupt as they come, and continues to be so. But I think I felt a weight was off my shoulders in the sense that there was hope for at least change. My only fear now is that the change will not be big enough and we as a country are doomed to repeat ourselves.
At my prime though, I was posting around once a week, maybe once every other week. And I hope, since I have this semester off, I can write and read again once more. After all, I am an English Major. Unfortunately, I will have to dig deep and see if there are book influencers who, despite their good nature and content, I may have to unfollow. I too, am a victim of comparing myself to others, which can lead to my number one fear as a reader: a reading slump.
Hopefully as I come back to blogging I will get my confidence back with it. I meant to post this Friday, which is my usual updating day, and ripped myself to shreds when that didn’t work out. I even lost sleep over posting ideas, so you can say I am very much excited to be writing again. What I’ve been writing lately has been essay after essay in the same format, with the approval and stylistic choices of professor after professor, so I’m happy to do things my way.
rachel hall 